(of a thing)

Item description:

Used condition Melinda, out of the box. Vintage.  All original parts (some refurbished). Last accessory upgrade in 1994. Paperwork might have been forged. Refuses to run new software (but it is installed). 166 cm tall, weight is n/a (scale read Err). Body colour is distorted (melanin fades with each passing year). Five languages are said to be included (but one that works is mostly curse words). Excellent domestication skills but is not willing to do as asked (cannot follow basic commands). Is kind but gets bored/loses track of time frequently. May need a new hardware upgrade to perform optimally.

Best offer.

Be best

1.) the many silly faces of Melinda

2.) I have to sit and wait for something and my knitting requires counting

3.) I am feeling weirder than usual today

4.) Melinda, wth?

I cracked up laughing for each one. I do not know how people can take serious photos of themselves all the time. I am lucky if I can take one, once in a while. How do you pose? How do you look at yourself and say, “yup, people need to see my face making the same expression AGAIN!”

Same shit all the damn time.

boriiiiing.

Alright, I have work to do now 😂

the hiss of our cruel mother sea

Remember that card game “Old Maid”, The objective of the game is to continue to take cards, discarding pairs until no more pairs can be made. The player with the card that has no match is “stuck with the old maid”. Fuck that game. That is how I plan to find my future partner.

Like the Hunger Games but with coupling instead of murder and mayhem

step on the glass

So!
as I said on Instagram, I woke up on Saturday morning and joined Tinder? Yeah, I am unsure about why in the world I did that too but I did.

I have liked three people. In a few hours, I accumulated 99+ likes. Now, I refuse to pay for an account so I spent a moment swiping on people’s faces which felt GROSS.

People are finding their way here – HI!

A girlfriend warned me that a whole lot of you are just looking for hook-ups so let me help you – if a few scrolls on this journal did not already tell you, I do not do casual anything. I over-analyse the labels on the beans I buy at the grocery store. I am single but not desperate.

Holy good god Tinder is awful. I thought okcupid was a wasteland. I do not know how anyone can hang out there for months on end. I feel like I am losing dignity every time I open the app.

Ember called it window shopping. I feel like it is impending doom for aimless but inevitable drunken makeout sessions that you will probably regret the next day (but will certainly enjoy while you are doing it).

Goddamn it, universe. There has to be a less soul-sucking way to find a suitably amazing human-being to have fantastic adventures with (minus swiping on their cheeks or noses).

I am not made for e-culture.

beat on the brat

V.47 was a prayer so here I am, writing anyway.

I have some questions:
I wonder if Pringles taste good dipped in peanut butter?
Did Nancy see my Facebook post about Trump today?
How do people wear matching socks every day?
Why do I look like a pimp in a leopard print jacket when other women look so cute in them?

DO I ALWAYS LOOK LIKE A PIMP? IS IT BECAUSE I LOOK LIKE MY DAD?

Why do people wear white pants? Better than that, how do they wear them and keep them clean? I cannot wear black pants without there being crumbs, peanut butter smears, wool lint & cat fur all over them.
Why am I so short? I thought I was taller than I am for a very long time. I was measured in my dr.martens and then I translated my height in feet to cm. It was a lie. Now I am p e t i t e
it is nonsense.

it is 11:50p. I am going to attempt to sleep and dream of something besides impeachment and idiots that lie to my bae, the Queen of England.

Bedtime story

I went on okc today to delete it but something told me to stop a second & look at my matches. I had a load of messages. Most just said “hi” or “hey” but there were a few that bothered to write sentences that did not 1.) tell me to smile or, 2.) want to start an argument!

I am discouraged by dating sites right now due to only seeming to find (untreated) mentally ill people or those that just want to use me as a springboard for their rage (OR! a tasty combination of the two!).

I might just acknowledge that my inability to trust my intuition is largely at fault here?

Quit that, girl. If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, even if you want it to be a Vulcan… it is still a damn duck.

Today has been a weird-ass, strange as shit, funny as hell COMPLETELY EXHAUSTING day.

I took an issue to my therapist & after she read through weeks of conversation she told me to block the said person, he was gaslighting me and to avoid contact with him in the future. He thinks he has ‘cured’ himself of his previous illness but he might want to consider seeing someone again… but it was not my job to help him. She pointed out many places that it was clear that I only kept talking to him because I was scared of him. Places that I gave in to his bullying because I did not want to get yelled at again.

It was not that I did not care. I did.

None of this was going to be worth it. We had nothing in common, very little chemistry and he hated 99% of who I was. He was just lonely and I took up some of his time.

I am not lonely. It was quickly becoming a waste of my time. And another drain on my psyche.

In any case, I have made my peace with it. I wish him well & I have to sort out what is broken in me that I keep gravitating towards people that are like this.

I cannot put the blame solely on him. Yes, he could have been compassionate and not tried to wear me down with this escalation of misdirection & attacks from all sides but I could have blocked him and moved on ages ago. I have to take responsibility for hanging on.

And when I was asked why I cannot answer with complete certainty.

Getting stuck in that cycle of fear is so familiar.

But 6am is going to come too soon.

Sleep now. ✨🖤

p.s. I have disabled my comment page because, sadly, he is the vengeful type & I am not in the mood to babysit his rage. I apologise for any inconvenience.

when things fall into place

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ZYgKCbFbWY&w=560&h=315]

 

(If I wanted to be an addict, I would choose something cool so I could be 90s supermodel waifish, smoking cigarettes and drinking buckets of filtered black coffee not something formulaic & soul-destroying like facebook or pinterest.)

(Nobody is looking at you the way you think they are. Nobody is thinking about you the way you wish they would. They are looking at themselves. They are thinking about themselves. They are reading themselves.

The truth is that you have nobody to prove wrong but yourself. The people from your past probably did not disapprove of yourself nearly as much as you feared they did.

This closure is for you. This growth is for you. This change is yours. This is you vs. you, you meeting you, you see you for the first time. This is about you becoming who you know you can be. This is about you finally living up to your potential.)

(I am trying to remember all the bad things. The reasons we did not work out, the reasons we will never work out.)

(And the harder I try, all I can do is grin. This big toothy, silly-ass smile covers my face and this song plays loudly in my head and my shoulders bounce up and down & side to side and if I keep it up, the rest of my body is going to get involved and we know I cannot dance.)

You made my day, thank you 🖤.

well alrighty then

Oh man, I am in A MOOD TODAY.

It came out of nowhere, I swear it. The day started out fine. I was getting ready to go and I noticed that I could not feel the back of my piercing on my face.

Lo & behold, it is beginning to grow in.

A few weeks ago, I had this nonsense that every other day, the ball kept coming out. Which was odd because I had the same piece of jewellery in for like, six years. I lost the ball, found it, tried to put it back in and lost it again. I found another ball and that one also came out.

I went to Ragnarok and I joked to the woman that worked there that it felt like Magneto had some sort of grudge against me and was pulling my metal out of my face.

The two replacements I bought that day also were lost.

I found one last piece of jewellery on the bottom of my little china box of treasures (that once belonged to my grandmother). It came as part of a set from eBay but I was desperate.

Now it is grown into my face.

I tried like hell to get it out. Guess what?
I cannot unscrew it.

a state of affairs or an event that seems deliberately contrary to what one expects and is often wryly amusing as a result.

I screamed very lowly “fuuuuuuuuuckk yoooooouuuuu” and thought how little any of this was worth it. I stomped my feet and acted like a horrible child. I picked at the damn piercing and got the metal cutters.

Yeah, I did.

They only made the piercing more swollen and my face red and angry. I had already had my makeup on so now I looked like a raccoon.

“NOTHING EVER WORKS OUT FOR ME FUCKING HELL WHAT DID I EVER DO TO
DESERVE THIS SHIT”

Well, first of all, you put cheap body jewellery in your face from eBay you dumb shit.

And yeah, not much goes your way but you would be hard-pressed to find someone that everything did go their way so quit your whining.

I kicked the door (with open-toed sandals) and continued ranting about how I did nothing right, how unlucky I was and even the guys in my life that liked me were either married so unavailable and mentally ill so also unavailable and the one I want is both married and emasculated to the obvious absence of psychological well-being.

AND ALL I WANTED WAS AN ICE CREAM.

(…but I do not even like ice cream)

seal this

I am generally turned off by braggarts but boy, do I love me some arrogance. I cannot explain it completely but the charm of listening to someone boast about themselves​ is so endearing.

Even when it makes them look like a complete asshole.

NEVERTHEE
less

I made a vow to myself in my present form that I would not bother.

There has to be more than this.

And if there is not, I am going to join the legion of cat ladies only I want a goat instead of many cats. My one cat is a pain and the joy I would have watching him annoy a goat would be immense.

Wait why have I not thought about this before?!

I AM A GENIUS 

another cuppa for the road then?

At this point, I expect us all to be long dead before Britain finally resolves this nonsense. They will still be Brexiting “any day now” when the Sun goes cold, the Solar System dissipates, galaxies grow dim, and protons begin to decay.

In the eternal abyss of an empty universe, as it settles to thermal equilibrium, a single faint voice will still plaintively whisper, “I think we need another vote” to no one at all.