that was weird

I had a conversation in group today about your theory on how younger people are better at communicating within relationships. I got laughed at by the people in the group and the health professionals. It is well known, they stated, that younger millennials and older gen z have a more transient experience when I comes to relationships. They fall in love less, they have more one-night stands and when in relationships, they solve their problems less often because they know when things get tough they can cut their losses and start swiping again. They have decision fatigue which makes hanging on to their relationships tricky once they have decided to commit. They seek quick rewards for minimal effort, rapid intense gratification over something long-term. They are not less concerned about love and connecting themselves or their self worth to their relationships (as you so quaintly started that people before them did). They just want their partners to see them as them as the individual as they are first. The younger generation craves being radically unique more than being in a gilded cage. And their partner needs to be as much of an individual as they are. It is more consumerism than romance.

I wonder if we have the opinions that we do because we reflect a certain bias in ourselves. I believe that we are all equal across the board. No one is better or worse due to economic factors, age, race or sex. I have been in the Peace Corps, I have done so much charity work in the US as well and I have worked first hand with people of all ages. Love is truly love. I have watched people in terrible conditions keep their relationships together because they loved each other. Their age did not matter. To take a generational blanket and spread it across people’s behaviourism I think might be a bias you are holding.

But then again, what do I know. I watch videos on kitten behaviour and Star Trek and The Twilight Zone. I do not watch anything that is made to provoke me or to get me to take a side. I stopped watching the news because it was bad for my mental health. I try not to comment on things I truly have no idea about. But I do interact with people in this age group. A lot of them. I have been all over & never have I thought the things you have said.

Lastly, people get credit when they do things.

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casual or systematic

I would not have thought that I knew anyone that harboured any ageist tendencies.

What separates Generation Y from X? And hey Gen Z, welcome to the party! What’s the cutoff? How old is each generation? Are they really that different?

I never thought much about the age groups/generation thing until now. It appears that younger people do not need to be loved the same as older people do. They do not want to be in relationships nor do they put any value in them. They think older people are pathetic for wanting to be in them. They feel like younger people are left out and do not get enough credit.

Or… maybe it was just this one person’s point of view 😊

The younger people that I know have a deep desire to connect to others. They are service oriented and they have many acts of kindness they ripple across this planet. They are hard-working and powerfully determinant to be happy.

Or maybe this is just my point of view 😊

In any case, I chalked it up to a we shall agree to disagree. Age is not something that makes people that different – experience does, but not our biological age. The second you start with the -isms, you begin tumbling down a slippery slope.

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continuing from my WhatsApp post from this morning (see above).

I wonder (now that I have lost some of my train of thought) if some of the problem is that people are afraid of being alone? So, instead of address this issue, people reflect their fears onto others so no one notices how dreadfully sad and lonely they are because they are busy pointing fingers? Perhaps it has nothing to do at all with titles of thornbacks and spinsters and mistresses and kept-women and lovers… it is a mirror that one is avoiding looking in. “If I use these terrible terms on you it will be ignored how grim I am!”

When Will and I broke up the last time, I knew it would be ages before I got together with someone else. I had a tiny baby to care for (for starters) and my head was a wreck. Something in me was changing, even way back then. I was tired of taking what was being given to me just because it was all that was being served. I did not know that I had the right to care about someone and refuse to be with them. I did not know that I could be with someone and leave them when I was exhausted, frightened, feeling unloved, abused, or unheard. I thought it was my occupation to stay until the very end of every single relationship. That was what they hired me for. I was not chosen to be loved or adored. I was the hired help, the domestic, the mental health professional, the breeder, and sometimes, the punching bag… but never ever the loved one.

I did not know.

I do now.

I refuse any situation that does not suit me fully. I step back from anyone that does not make me feel cherished – even if it makes me feel alienated (because I promise you, it does). Not enough attention? Okay, later! Someone else will give it to me, I am really fucking amazing so, um, ta! I do not ask for a lot, but consistency is essential. I refuse to put myself in a situation where I am questioning how someone feels for me ever again.

I would rather be alone.


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i like my men like my coffee

The U.S. is full of white terrorism and from the newest detritus stemmed a conversation that I am not sure I am comfortable having so here we are:

A prominent family member of mine told me that my biggest flaw was my need to be loved by white people. She told me that they were never going to see me as “one of them”. I was still black enough to be beneath them. Even though I was “smarter than three of them combined”. I could collect all of the “fancy diplomas I wanted”, she said. I was never going to good enough for them. I was always going to amount to a domestic, maybe a short-term romp, an infatuation (because I was “awfully pretty”, she said) but never ever expect to be taken seriously by one of those white men. They will use you and discard you like “yesterdays newspaper”.

I rolled my eyes. I was not very old then and I thought her advice was from a different time.

Unfortunately, she has not been wrong. I have not been treated like my white girlfriends, not by far. Even when I do the research, after the fact, the way my exes treated the other women they have been with, they have treated them very different than they have treated me. Even if said ex-girlfriend was horrible to them.

They tend to treat me with a different level of (dis) respect. I am more likely to be cheated on, lied to, stolen from, ignored, given a different level of commitment and less likely to featured on their social media.

I only noticed this when it was pointed out now. Little things have been niggling at my some of my friends. “Why did he -“, “Why did he not -“, and these sort of things, and though I may have thought about it when it was happening, I pushed it aside and dealt with the present. The past is gone, right?

When picked at, you find patterns that are important if you need them to be. Are all white people bigoted?

I was told to watch out for Norwegian guys that only date foreign women. They do this because they know that Norwegian women expect to be treated with dignity and respect… and they cannot be bothered to give anyone that (oftentimes not even themselves). They are generally the typical man-child sorts and they look for women that already have low-self esteem and they come from poor countries so they are thrilled to be anywhere besides where they are. They have no life plan, no motivation to do much besides play video games and watch porn. The relationships they have had have crashed and burned because they cannot commit to anything (and they probably got into the relationship because she wanted to, not by his pursuit) so importing a foreign woman is excellent – minimal work for maximum output. You do not have to compliment or respect her all that much plus she will cook and clean for you. You do not need to love her, just like her enough to keep her engaged so you can fuck her every once and awhile. If you find one that is kind, she might even love you and treat you with respect.

Though that might get annoying and make you feel smothered, right?

I just finished this group chat and I have to tell you… I feel sick. You think you know people and that you trust them just to wonder what they are really up to and why they are so…

distant. Is it because they are slimy and awful? Perhaps. Have they always been that way but your eternal optimism sees them as loving but struggling?

How much does it matter? Communication is a two-way street, not a fucking Oujia Board (though it does make for good entertainment).

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beauty school drop out

the lucy&yak debate continues and boy, did it get ugly. I have had it before, of course. I left one of my favourite mama groups because of a few entitled whiny brats. IT IS NOT THE RESPONSIBILITY OF EVERY CLOTHING COMPANY TO DRESS EVERY BODY. Period. Stop putting fatphobia on this. It is the social stigma of obesity that causes difficulties and disadvantages for overweight and obese people…. that is what fatphobia is. Not shaming companies REPEATEDLY into dressing you because you like their clothes. Do you know what that is? Bullying (seek to harm, intimidate, or coerce). Big companies that have the means should dress us all, small companies should not have to. Stop bullying them!

I do not understand why you would continue to harass someone that is not doing what you want them to do. If someone did not have something I wanted, I would leave and find someone that did. No, these people continuously hound these people on every post they make WILL YOU BE EXTENDING THE SIZE RANGE WITH THE NEW DROP WILL YOU MAKE THESE IN A 5XL WILL YOU MAKE THESE IN LESS FEM COLOURS WILL YOU MAKE THESE IN PETITE SIZES WILL YOU MAKE THESE IN TALL SIZES WILL YOU MAKES THESE IN XYZ COLOUR BECAUSE IT IS MY FAVOURITE

Not only do they have to change their size range from 00-30 they need to cater to every single colour of the rainbow because it is required of them.

When I was too heavy to wear their stuff, I liked their posts and moved on. Now that I can wear their stuff, a lot of it is too long and awkward fitting because I am short. Am I on their site bitching and moaning? Nope, because I understand that they are not my personal tailor.

They had a disagreement with a black woman so they are also racist because they used “tense” wording.

I have this happen to me on a regular basis. I was told that E was racist because of the way he treats me. “He would never treat a Norwegian girl like that!”

Just because a white person and a POC have an issue does not make it a race issue. Sometimes people just have issues.


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nb: this is probably not about you

twice today I had someone get sore about something they read here. this is my fault, so let me apologise & make something VERY CRYSTAL — unless your name is stated, I am not talking about you. I might use something you said to start a conversation (and sometimes it is an important one to start, so thank you for bringing it up!) but I do the best I can to conceal your involvement. If I wanted your identity to be public, ie, if I am feeling the need to have a nattering with you as my subject YOUR NAME WILL BE VISIBLE. K?

And now with that said, can everyone stop looking for themselves in my words, please? If you would like for me to write something about you, just ask? I love to write about the people I care about!

but I am not 12, I do not attempt a tête-à-tête at the expense of others. I thought you guys knew me better than that.

I get it, though. We are all sensitive and I am wordy and none of us spends enough time drinking & spilling tea while eating cake in my living room like we used to.

I miss you guys like woah.

p.s. dear proxy user,
I think it is lame that you feel the need to read my words with a mask on. I know who you are, it is silly that you are being such a butt.
Umbrella Academy Mask

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All the single ladies


Okay, so this was not the dealbreaker. We had an 80% compatibility which was low when you consider that he answered a LOT of questions. All he does is watch porn. He is proud of the amount of it he watches. And look, I am liberal as hell about sex but come on now, you have to know that large quantities of anything is no good for you. He also thinks that if you are friends with any of your exes that you are trouble and if you have slept with more than 14 people, you are a slut. 🤔


So, it is perfectly okay to watch women getting fucked day in and day out, in various ungodly positions, in most cases in situations the actress did not sign up for (so, she is being raped) which is perfectly OKAY because it is make-believe and for your pleasure right Mr. Hypocrite On OkCupid? But a real grown ass woman is a slut for enjoying her life and her body with another grown ass adult makes her a slut?

Sounds like you might be a bit salty because she had options that do not require a firewall and tissues.

It is not a big secret how I feel about guys and porn. It ruins interpersonal relationships. And makes it more difficult to have sex with guys that watch too much porn. I can always tell the first time I have sex with someone that jerks off way too much. They cannot get off unless they do it themselves. It takes a lot of reprogramming to get them to be able to be part of a couple again. And yeah, if they have been single for awhile, that is expected. Women do it too, vibrators numb their bits so being with anyone else is tricky. Human contact is becoming obsolete.

And with the virus taking over, it really is.

It figures, now that I am seriously considering a long-term relationship, a fucking plague is ravaging the land. It is a good thing that I have a sense of humour.

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Weinstein’ll get off again

Long sorta-scientific version: Capitalism is how The Patriarchy sustains itself on a financial level. Exploiting women and allies further by turning equality into a hip design concept and selling them back their own ideas is just how The Patriarchy operates. Patriarchy gonna patriarch. Capitalism gonna capitalise.

Short sorta-scientific version: Fuck this guy. He is evil.