the hanged man

I have been using EMDR, breath work (in combination with cold showers), meditation + yoga for trauma.

Damn.

Besides a rant I had today (which was warranted!), I have kept my mood reasonably stable, my emotions have been even and hey, I have human experiences when pin-pricked but with all that gets chucked at me – I feel like I am doing a fantastic job.

C-PTSD is no joke. I have not been sleeping very well. That is next on my list to get “under control”. I have never slept or gotten very much rest. Safety, I am told, needs to be felt to be able to keep both eyes closed at once.

I had a conversation some days ago about how perplexing it is to me sometimes that I can look forward to each and every morning with a smile on my face knowing how many years of horror I have lived.

My brain might be wired with a neurodiverse twist but if that is what made me optimistic, I am thankful for it. It might bring in people that think my kindness equals stupidity but so be it.

It is better than those bitter sorts. They think the world owes them something when they are the ones setting fires and throwing their cigarettes into them as they walk away, shrugging and wondering why it got so warm all of a sudden. And when asked how they got so sooty they know for sure it was not their fault.

Yeah, it has been a long, mondo-bizarro journey love hugs but I am in it to make it even weirder.

It is just what I do.