Tue. May 17th, 2022

1/2 way there. I am trying to watch the new Matrix film enroute and my goodness it is really not very good.

I am waiting for it to be over.

They managed to turn it into a romance.

Which you know, I totally needed today.

I do appreciate the nostalgia. I remember the first time I saw the original. It was so brilliant. It hyped us all up.

“I feel like I have been waiting my whole life for you.”

I am scared.

I wish I could say that this will be over with soon but let us be honest, yeah?

This is just beginning and we all know it. This is not just some neat tidy bow to end this story so we can all go on with our lives.

The thing about stories is that they never really end, do they?

You hope that the next page has better words on it. You hope that the next time around you get to win.

In the meantime, you do the best with what you have and assume that the characters in play do not fucking suck.

I have never wanted very much and I guess that is why I have never had anything.

Just cross your fingers, pray that this turns out okay for us? And when I come home, please let life be gentle for me?

I am tired of hiding and being unsure and needing to explain every single breath I take.

Are memories that turn into fiction any less real?

I do not know how all of this will store in my memories. I do not need any more trauma. This did not need to work out this way.

Alas, here we are.