The conversation got railroaded from someone asking if she should forgive someone that ghosted her. I have a special place in my heart for ghosters.
You really do not know where a person is at when they disappear from your life. I have a tendency to click people off when I am overwhelmed. I do not do it because I am being malicious. I just cannot life with a chatbox demanding my attention all the time.
Why do people think that quantity of time = quality of attention?
As this conversation picked up, I understood something – we all have a sensitive spot for thinking that absence = lack of interest.
Alright, but hear me out.
How do you feel about YOU?
Do you wake up everyday and love your life? Are you happy with your friends, family, job & other relationships? Yes?
Then why are you bothered?
If you want that person to be in your life, they will be. Chill out.
You have no idea what is going on with them. They could be busy with work. They could be having an existential crisis. Maybe they are shy. No matter what the case may be, if you are confident with yourself… why stress over one person’s place in your life? You are happy without them, right?
So… keep living your life as it is. Leave it alone.
Manipulating, guessing and obsessing will only make you out to be needy and how is that attractive?
Yes, we are human and of course we are needy. We need shelter, food and warmth.
But do we chase? Do we advocate for co-dependency? Do we make it seem like all we care about is another human for our happiness?
Seems pointless – because when they leave, they take our joy with them.
This has been an on-going issue for me. My ability to connect with people has been the fear of “when they are gone” but I have never had the enjoying while they are around either.
I never had any happiness at all.
Until I took the time to create stability within myself. It was never outside of me.
Talking to others about it brings me peace. I love knowing that others are grateful for the encouragement to stop searching for what they already have.
Getting people to see how lovely they are without doing magic tricks, gymnastics or diets is not always simple. But when it happens they do not close their eyes to it again.
It is difficult to stay cross at people that have caused you harm when you have discovered who you truly are as well. When you have come to the understanding that the pain you felt when you thought you needed someone else to love you to be good enough or beautiful enough that others treated you poorly because they too had wounds you simply did not see as they hid them behind bravado or sarcasm. Life does a number on us all.
You love them as you would want them to love you. You close your eyes and see them standing in front of you and you wrap your arms around them, warmly, and squeeze them and tell them that you are sorry. You do not need to explain for what. Hold them for as long as you see fit, tell them that you love them. Let them go and say good-bye.
Open your eyes and smile.
I have cried a small body of water with this method of release. I did not force it, I only used it for those that lingered in my head and caused me negativity.
I have no one that takes up space in my head now that does not make me happy.
Avoiding your emotions makes you a bitter human. I took that road for too long. I have sat with some shitty feelings and I have needed to look at myself in not so great ways.
I know what I want, I know I will have it.
I have made mistakes, I will make some more.
I am a gift.
But so are you.