Wed. May 18th, 2022

I do not like even numbers. They can collapse on each other. I feel safe with odd numbers, prime numbers especially. They are exactly what they look like – steady and dependable. No one can reduce them, they stand alone.

Today has been fucking helter skelter. One of my kids has been kicking up a lot of chaos and though I am generally very good at putting out his fires, this set I cannot manage on my own. The child care system here is nonsense and navigating any sort of help only comes when, 1.) the child has been abused (and even then it is not always a given) 2.) the child has been through something amazingly traumatic (same caveat as the last one) 3.) if the school gets involved.

The school has gotten involved and still we have gotten very little help. He is a great kid but he needs more than I can manage. I do so much research on how to best help him get the social system here stays silent. He has not been seen by anyone here in years. They have questioned both me and his father a handful of times but nothing has happened with him yet.

It is frustrating. He is becoming a danger to himself and others. When I have asked for more help, I am told to “care for him more” and to “give him more attention” when all he is doing is being belligerent and quarrelsome. This does not help in the slightest.

So I ask Google how to deal with Oppositional Defiant Disorder and the results are not reassuring. And untreated ODD often grows into passive aggressive disorder or worse, antisocial disorder.

Great.

So where are the professionals? Why are we doing this alone? We spent all morning on the phone with various offices and everyone keeps pointing their fingers at each other but at the end of the day we are stuck doing this alone.

I will take him to a cabin and have him chill out for a few days. The house will be rearranged so he will not share a room with his brother anymore.

Enter a pile of books to help me learn more about this disorder.

If no one is going to help him, I am going to need to learn as much as I can.