Wed. May 18th, 2022

I remember my mother holding a newborn Isobel, gazing at her tiny, pink beauty and saying to me, “Maybe you should give her up for adoption.”

I was horrified.

Years went by and I was angry and confused at why she said that. What kind of woman would say that to her daughter while she held her granddaughter?

In hindsight, I understand. She has not done a whole lot to protect me but she has lived a very hard life. She knew that children weigh you down. I was on a forward trajectory. She might not have cared much about my success overall but at that moment she knew what she should have done with me.

Adoption is a much easier process in the United States than in Norway. Norway has a waiting list that has a first-come, first-serve basis. You cannot just decide that you will have a child and give it to someone unless it is an immediate family member.

I had never intended to have children. After the situation with Isobel, Frank begged me to keep her. I agreed and we tried our best to play house. We were so young. He wanted to get high, play video games and make pizza for a living. My cognitive dysfunction was the worst around him. I felt the need to act out constantly. It was one of my worst relationships. I know he cared for me in the best way that he could. He never denied me anything besides a basic understanding.

I suppose that is a theme.

This made my blood boil:

“When African-American children are considered, the data suggest there is a preference for light skin and biracial children over dark-skinned children.”

As a social worker with an interest in the social effects of skin colour, I believe that the social work profession must be held accountable for its discriminatory practices.”

Colourism even in adoption? Do we ever get a break? Between ourselves, we rank lighter skin and better hair as more desirable. Men of our own skin colour think we are prettier, lighter as well. But even our babies fetch a better price when we breed with lighter skin people.

Why?

Would someone kindly explain this to me?

All children deserve a fair start to life. Their skin colour should not determine their value. YOUR SKIN COLOUR DOES NOT CONDITION YOUR BEAUTY.

What is wrong with everyone? It is not light > dark

Love should not be racist. Love does not see colour. Love has no bias.

Hatred, lust and fear do.

As far as dating is concerned:

If you notice that you have a pattern of only dating people of a certain race outside your own, the first question to ask is, ‘What is creating this attraction?’

What assumptions do you have about this group of people, and what images, stories, and other messages might have informed them. Maybe you believe they possess a set of traits you find attractive. If it is anything that is stereotyped, that can be easily, neatly packaged in a box, then that is probably a fetish. For example, men only date Asian women because they are small, quiet, and subservient. If your fetish is based on these stereotypes that deny someone else’s humanity and makes them an object of consumption, that is where it becomes a problem.

What messages have I internalized about members of a race that I am not willing to date?

“Just the term ‘black women’ conjures up thoughts of an overweight, dark-skinned, loud, poorly educated person with gold teeth yelling at somebody in public. I hope that doesn’t make me racist but honestly, that’s the 1st thing I think of.”- Lee, middle-class white male in his 30’s, from Florida

This is why black women are put on the bottom by white people. And why children born by us are worth less. Dating us is ghetto.

“I hope that doesn’t make me racist”

I spun my head around thirteen times and summoned The Goblin King with this post.

I am so tired.