Tue. May 17th, 2022

You feel happiness in intervals like tiny nibbles of chocolate, closing your eyes and savouring each luscious morsel until it is gone & the next piece is in your grasp. You have the anticipation of it as you open the wrapper just as you watch the events unfold that will add to your joy. So divine in its conception & coveted. A lot of us ration out our pleasure like chocolate. Anguish, however, seems to be in no short supply. We load ourselves up with it like a third helping from the thanksgiving table. We know when it is time to walk away from people and situations that no longer serve us yet we linger for days, months… sometimes years over the expiration date thinking something will change. If there is abuse, we think the abuser will see our value and stop abusing us not understanding that abuse is not personal. We do not get abused because they do not see how amazing we are. They abuse because they are abusers. We stay because our value is attached to, “if they cease harming me, that means care & I am worthy of their love” not understanding that without knowing that we have always been worthy of our own love we will be stuck in this cycle forever. And the abuser? They cannot communicate their pain so they gaslight, ghost, manipulate, physically abuse, etc. This is their story, not ours. We choose to superimpose ourselves into their pain because we think we can help like we are their parents/therapists when we are supposed to be their friends/lovers/whatever. We never find time to make this about US. We hyperfocus on someone/something else. You can never be happy if you continuously wrap yourself up in people/situations that can only take you. They might adore you. You might have spent years together. But if you cannot close your eyes and let your skin warm, and your lips tug up at the corners when you think of them (rather your shoulders raise up and your eyes pinch up tightly), you may want to reconsider your intentions.