“It also shows that you may notice that he doesn’t exactly tick off all the boxes on your list of traits that your ideal partner should have but you won’t feel like it’s a big deal because these will be minor things!”
What is in these boxes?
☐ honesty. Not the garden variety, truth-telling. I mean, openness. The ability to say things that are on your mind because you are thinking them. “I like the way your eye catches the light.”, “I disagree with your sentiment, because -”
☐ curiosity. The drive to wander and learn and explore everything just for the sake of it.
☐ humour. Even if it is bad humour. Not cruel, malicious humour though. That turns me off.
☐ kindness & courtesy. “Here, that looks heavy – let me help you with that”, “Would you like something to drink?” Anyone that has spent any time with me that does not know how I take my tea does not know me at all.
☐ the capacity to love. Not just people but life in general. If you do not have any passions, I probably will not understand you and you will not understand me. I love so many things and so deeply. I might not understand people or why they do the things that they do but I will fight to protect them.
☐ consistency. If you can disappear for weeks or months on end, we are not the same kind of person. I only walk away from someone and close the door tightly behind me when they have harmed me greatly. I do not go back that way again. If you take several hours to answer a text message when you are not doing anything else, I cannot be bothered with you either. I do not have my phone glued to my side but if we are not seeing each other on a regular basis, being able to hold a conversation is essential. If you cannot talk right now, say so. Communication is key.
☐ sobriety. I might like a drink from time to time, but someone that needs to drink or get high to enjoy themselves every weekend is going to need a babysitter, not me as their companion.
☐ making me a priority. I am not a basement goblin. I refuse to be treated like one. I like to be indoors. I do not generally enjoy being amongst other humans but I will be damned if I never get taken out, never meet your friends or family members. If I am just someone for you to fuck around with, say so from the beginning so I can decide if this is what I want (who knows, maybe it is – I DOUBT IT, but I should have the right to decide what I am getting myself involved in before I think we are doing one thing & you are plotting something completely different. see: Communication is key). If I make you a priority (and trust me, I care for everyone in my circle properly), you had damn well better do the same for me. Do not know how? That is different: Ask. I need to ask for so many instructions. I do not know how to do so many things. It is better to ask than to do nothing.
☐ If you do not like Star Trek, we are probably going to have issues. If you have never watched The Umbrella Academy or read the comics, we are going to need to sit and watch them – know your person’s fandoms, k? I have patience (mostly) and will tag along for yours UNLESS you like Star Wars like a schoolgirl. Like ultraviolence? I will tap out. Sports? Also not for me. Will I sit nearby while you indulge in your fandoms? Of course. Tit for tat and all. I need to have a partner that will go for adventures that might be a spur of the moment affair or perhaps they have been planned for months. I cannot sit still and I dream of being elsewhere always. I want to do something different every day.
Romance: a quality or feeling of mystery, excitement, and remoteness from everyday life.
Maybe I am a romantic after all.