whatever else can kill you

I deleted WhatsApp at 6:12pm (see unread message below).

Something broke in me this week. Homeboy has been ill many times since he has been on that island and I have checked on him each time. I made sure he had a damn care package when he was depressed.

Anytime I am hurt, sick or unwell in anyway, he is no where to be found. Five days ago I had my thumb smashed in a door. I have not been able to use it. The last conversation we had he told me to put something cold on it. Not a peep since.

My life has been waiting for him to text me. The reassurance that he is there for me is not the way I want to live my life anymore. He could not bothered to say, “yes, I am a permanent part of your life”. So, I deleted that app that was weighing around my neck like an anchor.

I would like to point out that I am not walking away from him. He knows where I am. I just need more than this. If he can provide that, he knows where to find me. If not, well. I am used to being without him. 😿

I will put my studies back on the front burner and I will spend more time at the gym (I have a gym buddy!). Maybe someday soon the damn snow will back heck off and I can go back in the forest. This is not the worst time of the year to deal with this.

Caleb is gonna flip his lid but I am not spending another fucking minute being treated like I do not matter.

P.S. if I missed contacting you on how to text with me & you are long-distance I am sorry! Drop me a line on Instagram or Facebook messenger (yeah, I still have it). I sent a broadcast but I am not sure if it disappeared as soon as I deleted the app?

Tagged : / /