she heard all of the words he said but her inner voice said, “run”. she closed her eyes and blinked it off. “love is hard to accept”, she remembered her therapist telling her, “when you’ve never had it without strings.” she kissed his forehead so he wouldn’t see the look of dread she was sure was on her face. she wondered sometimes if she loved him or loved the way that he loved her. she didn’t understand the difference. she wondered if it mattered. she took an online quiz to see if she was in love or in love with the idea of being in love. she scored a 98% of being in love. she was surprised. when he asked her to marry him, she waited for her inner voice to protest but it was strangely quiet. she agreed and that night while they were tangled in the bedclothes and her head was resting on his chest, her heartbeat & his managed to sync. she gently shook her chest about trying to get a new rhythm started. it didn’t work. she tried again. he began to laugh and asked her what she was doing. she explained. he said most people would find comfort in such a thing. she asked why. he admitted he didn’t know. she rolled atop of him and licked his face. he laughed again and told her she was gross so she repeated the gesture. he did it in return. she squealed, not expecting him to retaliate. he spun onto her, asking what he was going to do with her.
she said she could think of a few things.