Wed. May 18th, 2022
Some days I could not sleep because reality was sweeter than my nightmare.
Some days I could not find a way to get up because my heart waited for you to come home.
Some days I could not take another bite because missing you was making me sick to the stomach.
And some days I could not stop my mind from thinking about you, because for that moment, you were here with me in my memories.
Some days my world froze because stillness was calmer than breathing.
Some days my tears were out of control because they were angry with you.
Some days my mind went in circles because it did not know what it was like to not miss your touch.
And some days my lips would only speak of you because again, you were here with me in my stories.
Some days I counted all the reasons to hate you, but I instantly missed your “good morning texts”.
Some days I was lonely and broken, but I thought of how you held me that last time we met—remember?
Some days I felt like a sad song, but I reminisced about how cold your feet were.
And some days my soul would go in a loop and miss feeling you, because one last time, you were here with me in my raw energy.
In this terrible time, I spent some days on you and I spent some days with sadness.
Some days anxiety came to say hello and some days pain came to feel me again.
But most days, I cried for you when I was awake and I missed you when I was asleep.
And with each passing day, I noticed how my heart did not beat so hard when someone would say your name anymore.

One moment at a time, the spaces brightened up again and I could close my eyes and not see you behind them.

Finally, I could think of you and not feel pain, smiles easily came to my face when you came into my thoughts.

I hoped for your happiness as much as I hoped for my own. I was thankful for the gift of loving you.