Wed. May 18th, 2022

please note: if you are finding that your ip address is being barred from this website, let me know? There has been an uptick of crazy spider activity so I have mass blocked them bitches and in the process have blocked some users. I know some of you read this on different devices so if you notice that one works and the other does not give me a shout & I will suss it out.

9/30 of the alignment challenge is Dropping The Old Story – oh, how fitting for today! Your past does not define you because it means nothing. You tell your own story every moment of every day – what do you want your story to be?

I have never been able to answer this, I mean outside of being a child. As a child, I had dreams but only as far to get me off of East Street.

I have never really wanted anything. I have never wanted to be anyone. I was told so often how worthless I was that I knew, deep down in my bones, that it was pointless to even try. I did, of course. I have degrees and certificates and credits that do not quite equal anything yet. These things do not make me anyone. I had children so I am a mother. I was once a wife. I was a fiancé. All of these titles are attached to other people – by myself, I am nothing.

It is not sad or anything, I have never cared enough to change this. When I was tiny, I wanted to be a ballerina. And a journalist.

But more than anything, I wanted to be free. I wanted to travel the planet with a bag on my back, roaming from place to place with no one to tell me what to do or when to be back or how to wear my hair or what clothes I could have on my body. I also wanted to know how to feel. Not just pain and anger but joy and love and pleasure. To smile until my cheeks hurt every single day because my life tasted like sunshine and rainbows.

I wanted animals to pet and to nuzzle my face in because no one loves you like a furry being does. People are fickle, animals are pure in their hearts. I wanted to be a farmer but more just a menagerie of friends and a huge garden to tend. Plants have always made more sense than people too. And plants attract bugs and bugs are a delight.

…I lost my train of thought. My story, right. Pets, bugs, a farm, words, dancing, travel, learning, love, joy… huh.

I think I have something to work with here! I got a bit down on myself but no, I have an outline. I might not want to be the leader of the free world or anything but I do want something!