Wed. May 18th, 2022

Yeah, okay. I see what I did there. I stopped it before it went too far. I deleted the damn app and shook my head, crossed myself and said a Hail Mary.

I want what I want and I will have to sort my shit out, I know.

I KNOW.

fuck.

(I am not laughing, YOU ARE.)

side note: this one was more musically versed which made my toes curl and was probably nicer.

but they are all nice at first.

he did not talk politics or about the world stage or understand how we are coming apart at the seams. he just did not get it. he was very British like that. he cared, I could tell but it did not bother him because he was white and it did not touch him.

it reminded me of a conversation we had the other night about why I have so many problems with men here – they are so inherently racist & they do not even know it. I get a lot of the, “they would never treat a Norwegian girl like that!”

like I am subject to poor treatment just because I am black. I can be abused because I am non-white. or, not white enough. “be wary of Norwegians that do not date Norwegian women or seem to prefer non-Norwegian women. They treat women like trash. Like subordinates.”

I then have to think.
And that is an uncomfortable thought.