The reason I do not have a boyfriend is simple: I do not need one. Now, that does not mean I do not want one. But recently, I started to grasp that wanting vs. needing a boyfriend has a massive impact on my current relationship status.
I am passionate, sensitive, and opinionated.
I recognise that those character traits can be a lot for me or anyone around me. But I am not going to hide any of that to align with someone else’s expectations. I am not going to conform to the outdated definition of what a woman’s role in a relationship typically used to be not too long ago: a good girl.
You know, the girl that does what she’s supposed to do, or the girl that is extremely likeable, or the girl that makes your friends jealous, or the perfect girl, or the chill girl, or the super-down-to-earth girl, or the supermodel girl, or the girl that is always smiling—any girl but a real girl.
If we are talking about a heterosexual couple, historically, the male dictates his needs and wants to the female in the relationship. Sure, we have shifted dramatically and made a lot of change, but my instinct cannot help but tell me that there is still a large percentage of men that are afraid of a push towards gender equality. My gut tells me that there are a lot of men that prioritise their ego before all else and may buy into the idea of equality. That is, until the moment they start to feel like less of a man and they begin to worry about what kind of message it sends to bystanders.
My theory is that a lot of women that find themselves without a relationship are typically women that look for relationship partners they want to spend their lives with. These same women are the real women, the women that do not fit into the idea of a good girl, an obedient girl. By fighting any energy that opposes this unbalanced perception, sometimes it leaves them lonely, isolated, and without a committed relationship.
A lot of women that need a relationship typically are in one because they made the decision to give the nod to the most recent person that wanted to enter a relationship with them. Maybe it was to have someone or maybe it was to have someone that looked good to other people. It does not matter if he is only in love with the idea of women and only cares about the impact a woman has on how the world sees him. These women will change the way their face looks, the tone of their voice, the subjects they talk about, their beliefs, their priorities, and what they will provide to maintain the relationship. A woman who needs a relationship has one singular goal of finding someone, anyone, to be with forever—to get to the end of the marriage rainbow finish line.
I think that is a big part of why women typically have a harder time finding relationships than men—because so many of us have progressed forward, and it has not matched the number of men that have moved along with us. Perhaps that is an assumption—it is an opinion, definitely, but I do not believe it is that far off.
I do not buy into the narratives I see on screen or the marketing pitches streamed on social media.
I want to love because I have felt love.
I want passion because I have felt passion.
I need to acknowledge that I want all of these things because that means I do not need them.
It makes it especially harder for women that want a relationship because dating, relationships, intimacy, and commitment have all grown modernly casual to match divorce rates, the normalisation of cheating, and the speed that life changes right now. Collectively, I think we are putting on more armour every day so that we do not end up becoming the person that gets hurt in a relationship. It seems like there is always one person that gets hurts, so we have a lot of people ensuring that it is not them the only way they can: by hurting someone else.