what I ask of you

This is an updated version of a post I made a few years ago when I started dating. Filling out a profile on a site with your oddly angled picture (smiling or not) is awkward and at best, cheesy (and not in a gouda or cheddar kind of way). After failing a few times, I decided to make a detailed list of what I want and do not want so I can just link people to it when necessary.

What I do not want:

-days and days of silence. Hey, I do not need to talk to you every day. It is completely not necessary as long as I know where we stand. Are we a thing? Cool, we can talk whenever. I am confident in our quiet days – life is being lived and sometimes life is hectic. Are we still in the new days or are we having some issues? I would rather we kept up with each other on a regular basis because if not, I am going to assume something is off during the pause in communication and I am likely to over-think. Too much over-thinking and I am going to bolt.

-the inability to talk about emotions. I do not feel a whole lot but when I do feel, my feelings are huge. They want to be heard and then they settle back down and the days continue on. Living life around people that smother their emotions makes me feel like I have to as well. I do not want to do this again, okay? Great.

-dishonesty. You would think this one would be a given. Everyone lies, I know. Lying about stupid things just to get by will not fly with me, I notice everything. I might not say much when you do it the first few times because it probably has nothing to do with me but why bother? Just say what you mean and mean what you say. And if you realise you just said something that was untrue, say so. I will not judge you and really, I will find your correction refreshing.

-the inability to use basic manners/common courtesy. Please & thank you go a long way. I am not talking about perfection but come on now if someone just gave you something, you can say thank you. Open a door for that person with their arms full of stuff.

-commitment-phobes. Oh just go away.

What I do want:

-kindness. If I am feeling under the weather, ask me if I am any better the next day. If I link you to a song, listen to it. Tell me if you liked it or did not. If someone in my family dies, send me condolences. If my friend gets married, say that you are happy for them. If you want to be part of my life, act like it.

consistency. And while you are acting like it, do it often. I need to be able to rely on you to be there. More than one Tuesday every fourth month (if it snows that day).

-openness. Tell me about yourself and not just about the people you fucked and the house you set on fire. I want to know about your family, friends, and dreams of terraforming Jupiter with marshmallows (okay whatever you get my point). Superficial relationships are such a bore.

If you are the sort to shut people off or down when feelings develop, I am the person you want to stop talking to now. Here is why: I am the person that will walk the fuck away from you when I feel like you are hiding something. I am hypersensitive to people’s bullshit and instead of trying to figure out what is wrong, did I do something, ohmygod do they think I am a freak, nope – I just walk away now because I got burnt badly and my delicate little heart got put in a blender and drank up by someone that thought I was better as a side piece instead of the main course. (it is) ALL GOOD because now I know what I need to avoid and how to do so.

My autistic brain tells me that all people will do the same because I do not know how to tell a good person from a person that will ultimately take advantage – but that is the game, you know? Each level presents new challenges, villains, bosses, maps, mines, caverns, side quests… you never know when you will clear a board & the next screen will read: YOU WIN.

How many YOU DIED screens have I read just to sigh and unenthusiastically smack that restart button? Hundreds? Thousands?

So there, you know what you are up against. If you have any bit of what I do not want, please step away. You are a lovely human but I am tired of being neglected by the traits you possess. You certainly have another person on this planet that is perfect for you. I am not that highly intelligent primate.

If you have what I do want plus you like cats, cheese, naps, camping, silliness, my odd taste in music, plants, bugs, reading, random rambling conversations & well… me – then say so.

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