When you care deeply, it is easy to convince yourself that you could have done more. That you could have loved harder, that you could have gone to war for someone more intensely, that you could have done things differently. But at the end of the day, you have to let go of the ‘if only’s’ and the ‘what ifs’. You have to lay all of that down.
Because at the end of the day, sometimes it does not matter how much harder you fight, or how much more you show up, or how deeply you sacrifice. Sometimes, things simply just do not fit. Sometimes, two people do not beat the odds. Sometimes, two people outgrow each other. Sometimes love changes, and sometimes someone’s capacity to give you the love they know you deserve changes. Life & love are not black and white. Someone can be so ready, and then not at all ready. Someone can be your person, and then time can grow them into the kind of human being who is not. Sometimes circumstance, or distance, or life gets in the way. That is the messiness of it all, but none of that has anything to do with your worth.
You deserve to be loved — and not by someone who has one foot out the door, or by someone who questions the intensity of your heartbeat, but by someone who genuinely wants to wake up beside you in the morning. Someone who genuinely wants to make your life a happier, sunnier version of what it is. And so, if the someone in your life left because they were not ready to value you, or love you, or be there for you, do not wish for them back, do not ask for them to be more than they can be at the moment. Wish for them to figure themselves out. Wish for them to grow. They are on their own journey, and that is okay.
Because at the end of the day — breakups are not losses, but rather, entryways into freedom that will clear up space in your life for those who actually have the capacity to claim it. Breakups give you the freedom to go out into the world and find those who will love you as you are right now, in this moment of your life. Remember — it is better to be alone and learning, and discovering, and exploring your life, than to be in a relationship that makes you feel lonely.
Breakups have the capacity to show you what you liked, and what you did not like in a relationship. Breakups give you the ability to take inventory of all of the moments that made you think “I never want to feel this again” or all of the moments that made your heartache with the joy of being known or held or valued in a certain way. It is important to remind yourself of the positive, and the negative things, that you came away from the partnership with. This will help for you to build a foundation of what you need moving forward, and when you understand what you like and dislike, you do not settle for anything that is going to fail to serve you. You always make decisions based on that knowledge and that worth.
Sometimes love does not win.