Wed. May 18th, 2022

I want to make less eye contact with the screen and more with a human. I want to look into the eyes of another and be moved. I do not know when this became normal but it is overt and should be obliterated. I do not want to talk to people about the shows they last binged because that sounds like loneliness obesity syndrome – I want to talk about music that they love and festivals that they want to go to or the last play or film they saw. I want to get in a car with a tent and some sleeping bags and snacks and my biolite grill and just, drive. No reservations, no map to tell us where to head off to (until we sort out that maybe we need to have some direction). I want to know what my friends are doing without logging into social media because I was there. I want more people to come to me for reading asking for help with attaining their dreams, not some guy (why oh why do we always want the one that does not want us? We can be brilliant or gorgeous or hysterically witty and still, they will want someone else but we cannot stop thinking about them. How does that serve us? Why would the Universe want that for us? What lessons do we learn from that besides goddamn insanity? Oh, I know! Cats need homes. It teaches us that cats > boys! Good show, Universe). I want more opportunities to show others how much I love them. I want more sunshine on my face and more seawater in my hair. I write because I love life so much but I remember what it feels like to want to disappear with that shadow hand into the abyss. Every sunny day has a vestigial remnant that can send a shiver up your spine. Embrace the joy but never forget:

“When you are delighted with anything, be delighted as with a thing which is not one of those which cannot be taken away, but as something of such a kind, as an earthen pot is, or a glass cup, that, when it has been broken, you may remember what it was and may not be troubled… What you love is nothing of your own: it has been given to you for the present, not that it should not be taken from you, nor has it been given to you for all time, but as a fig is given to you or a bunch of grapes at the appointed season of the year. But if you wish for these things in winter, you are a fool. So if you wish for your son or friend when it is not allowed to you, you must know that you are wishing for a fig in winter.” Epictetus