forgive me

I knew a woman once that did not know how to love her boyfriend. Her way of showing how she felt about him was keeping a tidy house full of stuff that had no meaning but plenty of monetary value. She made sure other people saw her house and them in it so happiness looked a certain way. I remember judging her for it (and not silently either) because that is not what love looks like.

How dare I tell someone else what love is?

I know now, of course, that I judged her because of my reflection on the situation. I could not understand how she felt and would not do what she did so how on earth could she do what she was doing? And I thought he deserved better and blah blah blah. Never considering that what she was doing was the best she could do. That she loved him from the very bottom of her heart. That the creation of her living space showed him how much she adored him and the life they had away from the chaos that is outside their door. Their home is their sanctuary.

When she got angry at me, the first thing she did was to pick apart what my rental looked like. I thought she was just being a bitch (I had no control over the colours of the walls, I did not own that house) and with nothing else to fling at me, she went after something she felt that she did “better” than I did.

I was not paying attention. I was so wrapped up in my own emotions and thinking that someone I cared for was being neglected that I did not see what was right in front of my face.

I have been apologising to the wrong person.

Shit.

All along she has been the bad guy in this story. I did not blame her for her reactions, I just blamed her for not loving him. He would have never come to me if she did, I said to myself.

What if she did love him and he came to me anyway? Who becomes the bad guy then?

 

Release

Where would you have me go? What would you have me do? What would you have me say? And to whom?

Reflecting on this daily has made my days softer, kinder, more relaxed. I want, of course. I am human. I just do not expect anything from anyone. I dream and laugh with more ease than I ever have.

Give your will over to the universe. Ask for guidance. Ask for help. Being proud gets none of us anywhere.

My heart is so full.

hot rod shot through a dirty needle

I was just listening to Rod Stewart’s version of this and holy shit I did not know the real lyrics to this song until now because of the RevCo. version is the only one I have ever really listened to. I am dyiiiiiing. Like real tears are streaming down my face.

Noticeable differences:
Rod – RevCo
He’s acting shy, looking for an answer
Come on, honey, let’s spend the night together
Now hold on a minute before we go much further
Give me a dime so I can phone my mother –
He’s acting shy, lookin for an answer
C’mon honey, let’s spend the night together
Now hold on a minute, before we go much further
Give me a buck, so I can buy a rubber

Outside it’s cold, misty and it’s raining
They got each other neither one’s complaining
He says I’m sorry but I’m out of milk and coffee
Never mind my sugar we can watch the early movie-
Outside it’s cold, it’s misty and it’s rainy
They’ve got each other, neither one’s complaining
He says I’m sorry but I’m out of KY jelly
Never mind sugar, we can catch the early movie

 

 

 

You scream I scream

Here is the problem-nobody doubts the fact that Trump withheld the aid and nobody doubts the fact that his reason was to get Ukraine to soil Biden’s reputation. The thing is, the elected Senate Republicans do not care. They do not care if Trump is beholden to Putin. Nor do they care if he has engaged in illegal, unethical or immoral acts. They all think he is a creep.

And that is not all! Roberts will find a way to ensure that the Supreme Court rules against Trump’s taxes being released to Congress. Trump has already corrupted the Supreme Court and every court across the country. He has arranged for people he knows he can or has corrupted to be acting heads of departments. He chose people who would not pass a vetting process but who he can control. He has corrupted all the safeguards our founders thought would prevent someone like Trump ascending to the WH and then acting on his dictatorship/autocracy/Kleptocracy plans.

Senate Republicans also do not give a shit just like those around Hitler did not mind the smell. And the rest of the country is really not taking the threat as seriously as it should. We learned “never again”. But if we were determined to prevent it from happening people would be taking Trump’s misconduct far more seriously.

How did we get to a point where Republicans can all agree that Trump tried to cheat in the next election and yet they do not want to see evidence or know if he has cheated in other ways too? No surprise that Roberts will fall in line behind Trump. None at all.

But Jews, Blacks, the disabled, gays/trans and others may want to wave goodbye to the Statute of liberty and head to safer ground.

Scrapbooking, the extreme sports version

I have always been a safe person for others to dump their issues on. I am kind and very few think to check their shit out at my door. But when revisited later, I am surprised to find out that some of those wounds still sting.

Even when I do nothing to warrant the abuse, I bow my head and take the blows but they will scream and say they are the victim. It makes no sense to me but what can I do but say that I hear their words, understand and love them. Their perception is all that matters to them. And that is fine. They will never look at the damage they do because who cares about me? I am just the one they take from. I am a giver, I ask for nothing and that is often what I get.

It is my own fault and I know it.

I have changed over the years. I do better for myself. I do not let people get that close. I do not offer myself the way I once did. I know people are not what they appear. I know that even nice people do not have the same heart as I do. We all communicate differently. We are not the same even though it is quaint to say we are.

I walk away a lot easier now that I did in the past. I do not linger and try to fix things the way I once did. It is not that I see less of a value in others – I see more of a value in myself.

We are all on our paths – our own individual journeys. We are not all going to get along or enjoy each other’s companies. That is to be expected – but it should also be expected to respect the wildlife as you come across it. Do not litter, replace the branches you move as you walk by and do not be a fucking dick. If you have an issue, be an adult and say something or keep your mouth shut.

People that cannot follow these simple rules should be sent to the Mars colony.

aphorism of sorts

It used to be so popular to be earnest, a victorian virtue. However nowadays, its nihilism, satire, irony, snark, those are our modern virtues. They are what make us popular while earnestness, vulnerability, reaching for connection, all these things are cringe. Uncool. It seems to me though that developmentally, snark and irony are the defence mechanisms of adolescent behaviour. But it is so hard to make yourself vulnerable, to be earnest!

 
People bond over jadedness or sarcasm, and those actually expressing excitement is kind of derided. Like “Gross, look at her over there, experiencing joy like some kind of weirdo.” 
 
Be a weirdo. Fuck Seinfeld & ironic detachment. Try building instead of criticising. Why assume that the rest of the people on this hideous planet are not just trying to do right? Maybe I will be earnest in telling people what I need. Nothing in life is very easy. But recognising that there is value in letting people see your wobbly emotional midriff and trusting that they will not give you a copy of Not A Diet is much harder and ultimately more rewarding.
 

21/21

Feeling good aligns us with the Universe. This alignment offers us good health, mental clarity, confidence and sense of peace. When we feel good, we attract good things to us and accept them with ease.

In order to feel good consistently we have to make it a practice. Most of us are in the habit of waiting for our external circumstances to determine how we feel. It is time to unlearn this! We can access good-feeling emotions even when things are not going the way we planned.

The key is to spend time every day to proactively focusing on feeling good so that it becomes our new habit. In other words, do more things that make you happy. Think about all the activities that bring you joy and do them more often!

When we put feeling good first, everything else will follow. This year, make feeling good a priority. You can even schedule fun activities into your calendar! This isn not about turning fun into an obligation — it is about making it a priority. If you know you need some structure in order to honor it, that is totally fine. Over time it will become your default.

I have been at this for awhile, and nothing in this course surprised me but I enjoyed it nonetheless. It is was very Abraham Hicks’ based & generally if I want that, I will just go directly to the source, but still, it was fun.

20/21

Take it further with a prayer for surrender

“Today I surrender my goals and plans to the care of the Universe. I offer up my agenda and accept spiritual guidance. I trust that there is a plan far greater than mine. I know that where there once was lack and limitation there are spiritual solutions and creative ideas. I step back and let love lead the way. Thy will be done.”

Return to this prayer daily. When we surrender, we allow. This entire challenge has been about getting your energy into the flow of well-being and releasing all the blocks to allowing.

When you think you have surrendered, surrender more.

Your manifesting power is at an all-time high, and it is likely things are flowing more than ever before. That is when you need to surrender most. When things get good, raise your vibration even more. This will keep you in the flow of well-being and in the energy of receptivity.

(Happy Martin Luther King Jr. Day)

 

This side of blue

I found this in my email:

I am not going to be one of those fools who holds on to false hope. If no hope is ever false, then still working towards the fictional light at the end of the tunnel would be a smart thing, yes? Well, it is not. The truth’s staring me in the face, there is no point denying it anymore.

I heard it said once that a lady always knows when to walk away. 

I want to be a lady.

I know there is nothing to be gained from whining incessantly about everything that’s going on or to allow disappointment to settle in over small, stupid empty promises. I know this is only temporary and that for the most part, I have got a pretty good gig here.

I am just so, so tired of everything blowing up in my face and no one really giving a damn unless it affects them personally. Hardly anything works out in my favour. That is not a complaint; it is an observation. What keeps me going is the prospect of a harmonious compromise. Maybe I can not have everything I want, but if I can have maybe the slightest hint of it by way of making someone else happy, then it should be worth it, right? Absolutely. I still stand by that and always will. I am just beginning to resent people overlooking the good that I try to do a daily basis. No, I am not expecting praise. I do not want to be ‘rewarded’. That is not how I get my gratification. But when sincere gestures and honest efforts are so casually tossed aside yet every single one of my shortcomings are counted, weighed, and measured, I get hurt. I act like it just rolls off my back and I make smart ass comments, sure. But come on. It is a matter of pride. The reality is that I am not made of wood and it fucking hurts. 

Especially when it happens all the time.

So I think I am just going to lie low for a while. I really do not see the point in investing in anything beyond this point. So long as I keep my responsibilities in check and my immediate needs are being met, that will be fine with me. 

At least for the time being. 

I have been wanting to disappear for a while now.

 

19/21

Create boundaries with love

When we are manifesting, it is really important that we protect our energy — because our energy is what matters most. So even though you might be itching to share your visions, be mindful of who you share them with. If someone tends to be pessimistic or a naysayer, do not share your vision with them. If they do not react with total support and excitement, you might end up feeling resentful, cynical or deflated.

One key way to protect your desires is to create clear, loving boundaries with anyone who resists them. It is quite likely that some people in your life have a preconceived notion of who they think you should be (or who you used to be). These projections from others can take you out of alignment and drag down your energy.

When others challenge your desires, you do not need to defend yourself. Instead, respond by creating compassionate boundaries. They do not even need to know that you are creating these boundaries if you do it with love.

For example, if a friend asks you about a desire before you are ready to share it, you can kindly say, “I am working on some new ideas and projects. They mean a lot to me, so I am not going to share about them until they are fully developed.” Or you can lovingly request that certain topics be left alone completely, but saying, “Can I get back to you with that at a later date? I am not sure how to articulate my thoughts/feelings right now.”

SA_CARDS_Page_45-701x1000.jpg

In fact, let me underline this point because sometimes we get ahead of ourselves and bust through our own boundaries. Let us say you are ready to attract a new career. Even if you feel excited and empowered by this desire, you may still have some lingering fears and anxieties that you are working to clear up. Because of this, if you talk about your desire too soon, others might pick up on that lingering fear and mirror it back to you with their response.

You will know you are ready to share your vision when you develop a strong sense of connection and certainty around your desire.

Consciously disengage with anyone and anything that brings you down

Here are some examples:

  • If you are healing a condition, do not read online message boards filled with other people’s stories about that illness.
  • If you are trying to attract more money, limit your time with that friend who constantly complains about financial problems.
  • If you want to manifest a new romance, do not engage with people who are always gossiping about relationship dramas or negative about the dating scene.
  • If you are manifesting a new job or business project, do not share it with someone who is pessimistic about trying new things.

Note that protecting your desires is not an excuse to judge others. Let people be who they are and honour their path while lovingly protecting your own energy ✌🏾

Clear energy from others
If you feel that for some reason you have picked up the energy of another person — positive or negative — or if you have lost your energy, here is a great tool for clearing it. Simply say, “Thank you, guidance of the highest truth and compassion, for removing any energy I may have picked up and retrieving any energy I may have lost.” This prayer will clear it up every time.

Try one of these practices today. You can close your cloak when you leave the office, clear your energy after an encounter or check yourself in a conversation by saying, “I have got some exciting things in the works, but I am not totally ready to talk about them yet.” You will see right away that as you take care of the energy, the Universe takes care of you.