V.44 was an exercise that was not to be written about (this chapter seems to have a few of these) so.
I went to a friend’s bachelorette party tonight. One of the places we went, we got bombarded by some British guys. After making a few tacky jokes about them colonising us (I could not help it), some strange conversation started. They were all reasonably nice, one was a bit intense but one was quite kind. He spent some time trying to soften me up which I was quick to let him know was useless. I explained to him that I was not looking to 1.) hook up, 2.) fall in love, 3.) get married, 4.) grow old, with anyone.
He called my bluff.
He asked if it was him. I shrugged and said that I could not answer that, I did not know him. He asked if I thought he was unattractive. I told him that his outer appearance meant squat to me – I do not get into people by the way they look.
Then it occurred to me that I was out with seven very blonde women. This man decided to talk to me.
I asked him why.
He looked at me for a moment and spoke to me in my ear. He said, “They are pretty. You are stunning.”
I closed my eyes. I could not tell if I was going to vomit or if I was going to laugh.
One of his other friends came over and gave us drinks (that I did not drink) and I started talking to one of them. I was not drunk at all (I only had two drinks in 6 hours) so I was very aware of everything that was going on.
I heard him asking questions about me.
I gathered my things to leave.
One of the other guys got asked to leave by security. We did not catch what happened but slowly the others left. I hid behind everyone else until I knew that they were all gone.
I left about twenty minutes later.
Also, at the same time, another guy came over to talk to me. The English guy questioned why I “let him” in my space to speak to me. He was very nerdy and super awkward but I understand that so much more than men that have this much confidence.
I walked across the bar to talk to this other guy. He gave me bad vibes so I did not stay long but I had a point to make – DO NOT JUDGE PEOPLE FOR FUCKS SAKE.
When I came back, I got questioned about what I did, where I was from, what I liked… and who broke me. I answered superficially because I was really uncomfortable.
but now, sitting here thinking about it, it has been a long time since someone has paid that much attention to me. And he was grown, with a job & a kid. He was not afraid of me, even after I got up with the girls and danced to Def Leppard.
One other person told me that I was beautiful and I believed him but then I found out that he was a lying jerk – I do not trust my judgement anymore.
Who am I writing these stupid dating app paragraphs to? When I get replied to, I never know what to say…