another cuppa for the road then?

At this point, I expect us all to be long dead before Britain finally resolves this nonsense. They will still be Brexiting “any day now” when the Sun goes cold, the Solar System dissipates, galaxies grow dim, and protons begin to decay.

In the eternal abyss of an empty universe, as it settles to thermal equilibrium, a single faint voice will still plaintively whisper, “I think we need another vote” to no one at all.

still more crumbs

I have not pulled cards for myself in five days.

After I read cards for Andrea, I was drained completely. Every time I tried to get the energy to pull them out of the box, I had nothing to ask. We had no communication. The reading I did for her embittered my deck for a spell. My quartz, sage & a white candle reset them.

That has never happened before.
Continue reading “still more crumbs”

Of a shyness that is criminally vulgar

I do not expect to change you so please do not assume that there are aspects about me that you can modify to your liking.

I am a grown woman, I can have a drink on a Friday night if I wish.

No matter how much I like you, I like myself more.

My happiness is not going to revolve around you. I am not sorry about that.

It is also not my job to keep you happy. I will probably find ways to offend you on a regular basis (if the truth bothers you).

It has taken me a lot of time to rebuild my self-esteem, I am not going to let you destroy it. My intuition is strong, I am not going to ignore it again. I will not settle, I will not chase you, in your absence, I am going to live my life well – you are an addition to my life, not the reason why I am living it.

You might think that my logic is the ruling power in my house but then you do not know me at all. My ability to love is deeper than the blue in the sea. And if you have made it this far and did not know that then why are you here

Love and attraction are important, but I have to be realistic

 

what I learned last week

-just because someone is meant to be on your path does not mean it is romantic (!!!)
-YOU CAN MUTE PEOPLE ON INSTAGRAM
-you can give yourself two choices and suddenly a third comes along and makes so much more sense
-running from zombies is much more run than running to plain old music
-spring is not so exciting when the snow melts and then comes back again

I have a sister that is in a lot of emotional distress and I read her cards last night. She is in that kind of love that consumes you but her path is a lonely one that should be walked solo. No one wants to give that news to someone they care about so I tried to read his cards to find fault in him. Nope, nothing wrong with him besides normal human nonsense – NOT THAT THERE IS ANYTHING WRONG WITH WALKING YOUR PATH ALONE. She wants him to be hers but

her light is too bright to let anyone close enough.

I explained this to her the best I could & told her to talk to him. Relationships are fleeting and beguiling but are they worth restructuring our blueprint for?

p254ex2.jpg

libra supermoon

Distance: 224, 505.876
Moonset: 7:09AM
Moonrise: 7:12PM
Full Moon in :29D 10H 29M
New Moon in :14D 9H 39M
Moon Azimuth: 214.96°
Moon Altitude: 26.24°
Next Moon Eclipse: 16.Jul.2019 @10:02PM

I sent a request to the universe
it was a big one, so I did not expect to hear back
it appears that my request might have been granted

SAGITTARIUS (November 22 – December 21)

Tarot card: The Moon

Trust those who have proven themselves worthy of your respect and when you meet someone new, don’t just give away the most precious side of you. Let the person earn it.

 

 

why

“What other reasons besides money?”

There are six jobs that I am qualified to do with no further education. There are dozens of other jobs I could do with no education or training – this was pointed out to me in the meeting I had with the commune last week. Opening my own business is “asking for failure”. I could just “save that money and live off of it while finishing law school”.

It is daunting.

I am okay with failing. I am not okay with giving up before I have even tried. This meeting sent me off the deep-end last week but my visit with the abyss was beneficial.

I do not like being told what I cannot do.

I contacted BR at lunchtime and asked for his advice. He has put me in a direction that, for the moment, does not require vodka.

“What other reasons besides money?”

-It would be mine.
-I can work around my family and not need to get permission to take leave to care for them.
-I can travel when the wanderlust calls.
-My freak flag can wave proudly instead of collecting dust under my desk, only to come out on Halloween.
-I can tend to my introverted/empathic nature.
-It is something that I am passionate about.

As I sit and think of the possibilities​, my head feels like I am trying to fire a sigil. WHAT ABOUT THE COMMUNITY? You could help raise awareness about xyz. LOCAL ARTISTS, MELINDA! THERE IS NOTHING LIKE THIS HERE, FILL THE VOID. 

Okay, I think I have failed this assignment. help.

to love well

You will learn to ready yourself for the right one in loving the wrong one.

You know that sounds like something you would read on facebook while scrolling in the middle of the night while you should be asleep but you cannot sleep because something is bothering you so your thumb is keeping you from thinking about it.

Fall in love with the wrong one. With the person who seems right, but does not end up matching the rhythm of your heart. With the one who makes mistakes. With the one who breaks your heart because even in your shattered state, you gained and learned and let someone in and that is beautiful.

You know you should put your damn mobile down and plug it in and sleep but if you do that then you know your mind is going to start racing and you are not going to avoid the thoughts in your head and yeah, you could get up and shower or take a bath and meditate, gather your thoughts and understand why this is exasperating you to the point that facebook is your only escape and you are nodding your head to the words of your basic female acquaintances multiple posts… but if you are honest, you are slightly fearful of the thoughts that sit behind your eyes. You have been avoiding them for more nights than just this one.

Because you will never find real love if you do not try loving. If you do not let people in. If you do not love a few wrong people along the road, to learn and grow and bend and break and rebuild and discover what is right for you.

Because you never will know unless you try.

You make a silent vow not to use facebook at all tomorrow. Or the whole next week. Except you know you have to because the girls are coming over on Wednesday and the pop trash club page is on facebook. You sigh and scroll some more, opt to like people’s posts that you do not even know and read news articles from a country you have never heard of before now.

I hope you stop searching for ‘the one’ and simply fall in love because the person standing in front of you feels right at the time, because you are happy, because you feel something, because life is about embracing what you do not know and letting your heart be the guide sometimes.

Staring at the screen but not seeing anything, you resign and put the phone down. You wasted half an hour and learned nothing and clearly, you do not feel any better.

You pick up the closest book to you.
bell hooks, “all about love”

“If you do not know what you feel, then it is difficult to choose love; it is better to fall. Then you do not have to be responsible for your actions.”

it is like she took her hand up from the pages and slapped me in the face and said THERE FIXED THAT FOR YOU

Tagged :

promises

friday night I drank vodka straight
I was surprised it did not taste like much or burn

I was being reckless, I lied to myself about red flags
&listened to 80s music and laughed and wandered around in snow drifts
as tall as my hip
I am not good at asking for help but when I do it is sincere

I am sorry for being half-assed at giving love
I swear I will be better the next time I get a chance at it

I will try not to fall so blindly
&to listen to words and not just the wishes
I feel in his fingertips

clipped

We all fear things falling apart; however, in my experience, when everything is falling apart, it is actually falling into place. Maybe there is something to Mercury Retrograde after all, and it does not involve us fearing rather welcoming it with open arms. Because who wants to say stagnant?