You will learn to ready yourself for the right one in loving the wrong one.
You know that sounds like something you would read on facebook while scrolling in the middle of the night while you should be asleep but you cannot sleep because something is bothering you so your thumb is keeping you from thinking about it.
Fall in love with the wrong one. With the person who seems right, but does not end up matching the rhythm of your heart. With the one who makes mistakes. With the one who breaks your heart because even in your shattered state, you gained and learned and let someone in and that is beautiful.
You know you should put your damn mobile down and plug it in and sleep but if you do that then you know your mind is going to start racing and you are not going to avoid the thoughts in your head and yeah, you could get up and shower or take a bath and meditate, gather your thoughts and understand why this is exasperating you to the point that facebook is your only escape and you are nodding your head to the words of your basic female acquaintances multiple posts… but if you are honest, you are slightly fearful of the thoughts that sit behind your eyes. You have been avoiding them for more nights than just this one.
Because you will never find real love if you do not try loving. If you do not let people in. If you do not love a few wrong people along the road, to learn and grow and bend and break and rebuild and discover what is right for you.
Because you never will know unless you try.
You make a silent vow not to use facebook at all tomorrow. Or the whole next week. Except you know you have to because the girls are coming over on Wednesday and the pop trash club page is on facebook. You sigh and scroll some more, opt to like people’s posts that you do not even know and read news articles from a country you have never heard of before now.
I hope you stop searching for ‘the one’ and simply fall in love because the person standing in front of you feels right at the time, because you are happy, because you feel something, because life is about embracing what you do not know and letting your heart be the guide sometimes.
Staring at the screen but not seeing anything, you resign and put the phone down. You wasted half an hour and learned nothing and clearly, you do not feel any better.
You pick up the closest book to you.
bell hooks, “all about love”
“If you do not know what you feel, then it is difficult to choose love; it is better to fall. Then you do not have to be responsible for your actions.”
it is like she took her hand up from the pages and slapped me in the face and said THERE FIXED THAT FOR YOU