just because I cross my fingers tightly together with promise to one person, does not mean that I do not see the benefit to keeping my options open.
there are two that topically appear to be each other’s doppelgängers. there is another that writes poetry to me that I do not understand (due to it being in Finnish). there is the one that I blocked but I still feel lurking about (no amount of wine could spice him up). oh! & the one that thinks the world owes him something because he is white & middle classed & clever?
I reopened an old okcupid account tonight. the moon told me that I have so many more nights of sore lips from being kissing hard than I could possibly even know. I was not instructed to add more people to the roster but come on now.. if any of them planned on playing first fiddle, would they not have picked the bow up by now?
many blessings on this lunar eclipse. 🌕
I close my eyes and all I can feel is warmth. Climate, altitude, temperament… they have all aligned to draw energy into my brow.
Yet there is a stillness to my being. I have some joy, some direction… some hope.
My travels have given me much in the way of bounty.
May this full moon guide me out these dense, dark places. I sleep by the twinkling of fairy-light.
(love love love)
part one: the Netherlands
we stayed in Amsterdam & Gramsbergen.
Continue reading “a holiday (in three parts)”
Even if you know it is the right thing to do, it is not easy. Or fun. It might hurt more than the reason why you broke up with the person in the first place. It could give you comfort to know you will be replaced in a few days (some people fall in love as often as they change their socks). It might sting. Either way, letting things linger is unfair to both of you.
Some people can break up, walk away from each other (even if they are slamming door behind them) & come back and be friends. I do not go backwards well so, the chances are slim.
Unless this was an extraordinary person in the first place. Then, their absence from your life may leave a hole. You can make out/fuck with your eyes open all you want … nothing fills that void.
If you broke up due to violation of trust (like say, being cheated on), being friends will be difficult, too. That kind of trust is earned (and most people cannot be bothered to earn your trust back… they would rather find someone new and start all over again).
In the end, if you have regrets, talk to your friends before you contact your new ex. They might be bitter/desperate/lonely/revengeful & their feedback might get you stalked, screamed at or, back in that same relationship you just left.
Even if you still have strong feelings for them, remember they will never change. They will lie and abuse you no matter how many times you forgive them. And you deserve better.