reprise

social media only shows our highlight reals and not our struggles. i made a vow to live my life in a manner that i can be proud of. i do not post what i hope gets the most views or likes or comments… i try to let the lightness and the dark have their soapbox. my life is not pretty. i work hard, i sleep little. too much coffee is consumed & maybe, lately, i am reading the news too often. i am scared. i bake cakes and cookies more than i make salads. i cry because i am frustrated & i do not understand how i have lost so much when i never really had much in the first place.

i am trying, though. i am listening to my heart more than my hyper-logic ( “being* hyper-logical (at least, in certain matters) could be sociopath.

*thinking* you are hyper-logical while really having emotions so big you cannot handle them and at the same time not being great at reading others and thus might react in a way others see as inappropriate is more autism spectrum.”). i am staying away from those that take more than they give.

i linger within the handwritten confines of kindness. i help without being in the spotlight. it makes me feel good.

and that is what we all want, right? just to feel something that does not hurt.

on the bright-side, i laughed a lot today. i would like more of that in my life. not that i feel the need to document that & post it somewhere. ✌🏾

oh wait.

i just did.

huh.

way to be a hypocrite, melinda.

way to go.

(photograph is missing)

photographed above is my spot. when i need to think, to contemplate my next series of events… i will wander out, in my dressing gown (sometimes) at 3am. i watch the trickle of traffic zoom by while gathering my troubles. i leave behind what ever was ailing me and head back down the street, up the bridge, around the corner and down the hill to my mustard coloured end-cap row house.

i feel like i am littering with what i leave behind

Tagged :

good girl

while i am doing my best to keep on the straight & narrow, goddamn it… sin is tempting.

i try to remember that there is a bigger picture at hand and idle hands and the devil and all of that but…

what if all of this is for nothing, hmm?

 

what if these morality clauses we sign into, with no lawyer present, are just to keep us from having any fun?

 

we are so afraid of what people will “think” of us that we never live our lives for ourselves. and the people that broke that unsigned agreement are seen as selfish or unsavoury. those cats do not sit around worrying how tightly we are clutching our pearls.

 

if i do not have some fun soon, i might burst.