s(f)aint

> are you happy? circle yes or no. pass your heart along the chain of
> sniggering students, asses locked into plastic thrones, your beating
> brain tidily folded like a rusty ricepaper crumpet. sentence
> structure/the ribcage:
>
> add-jective subject-ive now-n verb-ose. it is much simpler to slide in
> the fissures in the foundation than to bang at the frontdoor for
> hours, waiting for the dj to come down from the studio and let you in
> to do your show. greasyglide on in, baby, tear the slinky lacy fat
> from the edges of my flaccid chestmuscle. perforate. the sheath is
> filthy, the contents pure.
>
> oxidized internal harpsichord (lid lowered) making plaits with thin
> strings of gut, silver-wound saint! Come, let us eat her alive!
>
> [[plastic saint, why so many tears? why so much tearing? sometimes you
> have to cut to feel. sometimes you have to cut out to feel..]]
>
> and clearly, truth is over-rated.

but is that the point? to never expect ?

writhe: verb, Etymology: Middle English, from Old English wrIthan; akin to Old Norse rItha to twist
transitive senses
1 a : to twist into coils or folds b : to twist so as to distort

losing life, liquifying. Listen loudly, look at length at love. Loop the laurels ’round the ladders, light the lamps, tonight’s ludic lucre is luculent! Be not loveless, luckless! Life is a lubration, especially at night.

and the lucid dream is the lemniscus.

[you always know the beauty behind all of this
you would make a dishonest girl blush
i know the day you finally let go
i will be standing right next to you
watching it happen
and if my heart does not explode
from the gorgeousness
that is and always has been you
then i will live another day
knowing you did this
with me
and you will r e a c t
the same way
every time after
knowing i was there.]

 

only the nihilists are blameless.

karma is not my only vice​, by-the-by. I just feel … hmm… ? with all the rotten things I did to others, I cannot be surprised about some of the things that have happened to me these past years. it almost feels like paying a debt, you know? after you have paid it, you can move on to the next one…

i have been running away from the damage i have caused for far to long-i am tired with coming up with excuses for the rotten and malicious things i have done. i meant you no harm.