I am doing my best.
I try to be a good mum, a decent friend and a patient significant other. The first two, come quite naturally. I listen to the children. I allow them the space to have their say (even if I disagree). I have meaningful relationships with my mates (except one. I think she is a prat but everyone is afraid to ditch her because she is VERY needy and insufficient).
I cannot be patient with Will for much longer.
Yeah, I know that sounds awful. He is finally getting himself together. He is in therapy and his classes start tomorrow. It only took two and a half YEARS.
I have been pretending the past weeks to be A-OK with moving through each day as if nothing every happened. I keep my eyes down and my mouth shut (85% of the time, anyway). “JUST BE HAPPY”, he has been told. Uh huh… easy for you to say. “JUST GET OVER IT AND MOVE ON”, is his constant summary to me. He does not know what to do to sort out what he has broken. My choice is to suck it up and put my big girl pants on and paste a fake smile on my face OR I can tell him to leave.
And I have. Several times. He makes me feel worse for wanting this to end. I have given him 1100 “one more try”. Nothing ever changes. O,h wait, no, that is not true. I CHANGE. I have lost hope completely. The few things I found happiness or humour or insight in are lost. I do not care a lick about anything besides making sure everyone has what they need. The depression has not lifted, I have just gotten better at playing make-believe (which is ironic! FAIRYTALES DO NOT EXIST, MELINDA!).