Wed. May 18th, 2022

I will resume the Ben Hardy stuff tomorrow. I was away for the weekend and did not look at it. Today I was preparing for Isobel’s birthday and my head was firmly in the clouds.

This weekend.
We went to Ålesund. The trip itself was nice. I got to do some wandering, some choice pokemoning and fish chasing. Massive silliness also occurred which should surprise no-one.

But roll Saturday night around and my mind got properly blown and I am still not sure what to do with it, here on Monday evening.

I suppose I should have sussed it out myself… I just was not looking for it.

“I am going to start dating.” radio silence for a week.

”I think I am going to take this job abroad.” another week of silence.

He asks me what the problem is, I tell him and he is interested until he understands another guy is involved. stops talking to me again for several days.

At the same time, I have already gotten the idea that this ship has sailed so even though I kept my fingers crossed, I did not think much about it. His behaviour is normal for him.

Not once did I think that he still liked me.

Love takes time. But I think what really takes time is when people decide to hold on to love.
There are a lot of times we fall in love with people, with places, with things, with abstract ideas and everything that comes in our lives. We may fall in love the moment we see the spark in someone’s eyes or the moment a person touches our lives, or maybe when we feel cold and there is the warmth from another keeping us alive.
There are many times we fall in love quickly. It is when your heart skips a beat for the first time for that one person who understands you easily. Maybe you have finally found someone who cares and will be there when you are lonely and decide what you feel was love.
But as fast as we fall in love, we quickly fall out of love.
Rare people stay in love. Because it is up to us to hold on to this love despite the buts and the what-ifs. Despite losing the spark and the warmth, and even if we lose that person forevermore. It is in our hearts to decide whether to put out the fire or reignite the flame from its burnt embers.
In the words of Rumi, “The wound is the place where the light enters you.”